a little note to God

This may sound trivial to some of you and to others it may be dead on with your thinking right now, and with others it may rock your world. I’m thinking I actually fit into all three categories because what I’m about to say is something I know is truth and its very simple to say, but difficult to live and that’s why I’m in the other two categories.

So, here’s what I was thinking about as I was driving around the other day. Every time I run back to a sin in my life that I have dealt with, that I have repented of, turned away from, I am essentially saying to God:

I know this is wrong, I know there is no good in this, but (and here was the kicker for me that day) this thing and my desire for it and my pleasure is infinitely more important than you. Now, please don’t get all mad and upset, its just one little thing that I’m hanging on to. And, please don’t feel offended just because this one little thing in my life is more important that you, even though it really is infinitely more important than you, otherwise I wouldn’t be doing it or living this way.

Someone is bound to argue with me and say this is not what they are saying, they “just struggle in this area or that.” I don’t buy this excuse, namely because I’ve used it, and the truth is that the above quote applied when I spoke those words about ”struggling.”

Those that know me well, know that I love to talk/think/discuss/get drunk on the sovereignty of God and His ”bigness” as I like to call it. So when this thought came to my mind that what I’m really saying is, “I have this thing that is more important that You God, and I have no concern about that, and I’m going to keep returning to it because it is so good,” I was crushed and felt a heavy weight. Even in processing this thought for three days now, I am still feeling the heaviness.

That’s where I am this morning. You?