don’t worry
Don’t worry, I won’t make this blog into a rant site for the things I have problems with, but I’m a little irritated as well as a little challenged from yesterday.
I was given the opportunity to speak yesterday at Cornerstone. The message was on reconciliation. I don’t think I was amazing, but as I’ve said before, I love teaching, and that was an amazing opportunity. After the service, a friend of mine and I were talking and he made the comment that he appreciated transparency, and we got into a discussion about just speaking the truth. I believe my last comment to him was, “If everyone would just speak the truth rather than trying to cover things up, reconciliation would not be such a difficult process, nor would we shy away from it so much.
My rant…I hate (yes, my wording is strong) passive aggressiveness. It irks me to no end. Why can’t people just say what they mean and mean what they say rather than disguising a comment? The truth is a good thing right? Why is it that people will not just be themselves? I will say, I did this once yesterday and felt ridiculous about it afterward. On the flip side, someone else did this to me and I’m still thinking about it. I’ve decided I’m going to start calling people out on this when they do it to me. I just hope people will do it to me as well. (Is this post passive aggressive?)
Okay, I won’t do another post like this for a long time, I promise, but I think it fits with my journey. I’m still learning grace, more so, I’m learning I have to extend it more than I do, I’m an ambassador and must speak the message of the one who sent me.
Scott Fillmer
Monday, 30th June 2008 at 9:28 am
OK, you asked for it.
Deb and I both have thought this way for many years. A few times over the years we have taken this approach and basically lost the interaction between the other person because they really didn’t want to hear the truth or we have just avoided conversations with others to keep “truth” from being discussed.
I personally don’t think people really want to hear the truth, but to me, it is far more helpful than glazing over the reality… I will pick on gotroot here… last week he did not leave me a comment on a blog post that said “your post was dry and lacked substance”, which he told me in person, but instead left “nice post”.
I only pick on gotroot b/c he can take it… but I guess we are so delicate that we can’t take a truthful critique of anything anymore. I appreciated the first comment, went back and looked at the post, and he was right, and it helped me.
You asked the big question though, why can’t people say what they mean and mean what they say…
So, how about a top 10 of “why”
1. People don’t want to hear the truth (this parallels the big one, the REAL “Truth” too.
2. It pushes people away
3. It hurts people’s “feelings”
4. It keeps a person from being “liked” by the other person, i.e., tell/give someone a compliment they will be-friend me type of thing
5. People confuse “flattery” (something close to sin, to me) with truth
6. It keeps the person from being able to obtain the “what can this person do for me” thing
7. It offends
8. It gives the other person a false sense of where they actually do stand in your “head rankings”
9. am I ranting yet?
10. They confuse lying with “tell the person what they want to hear”
When you run into someone that will listen to the truth being spoken, you get a building up of the person, growth in mind and walk.
I think there is a difference between telling “all” and saying what you mean. I am pretty much an open book and I hope that when I tell anyone something, they understand that is where my heart is, not shallow flattery of some kind.
As for Sunday… I told you what I thought, but probably held back a little too, probably for time reasons. The one thing that stuck out to both Deb and myself was the truth in the message. The drive by method we use God and personal ranking is speaking a truth. If we heard it said out loud, perhaps we can address the issues and make adjustments. Ignoring they exist is stupid.
—sorry for the comment rant, I could go on but will stop here.
Biscuet
Monday, 30th June 2008 at 10:51 am
Hey man… this isn’t about passive aggressiveness. I just want to tell you i really enjoyed yesterday. I thought your humor was great, and the teaching points were amazing. Like i told you afterward, i have been carrying those verses in my heart everyday in China. When i begin to lose focus or lose joy i just remember that Christ in me is reconciling the world back to himself. Right on brother! Let’s hang out sometime while i’m in the states.
Heath
Monday, 30th June 2008 at 1:17 pm
@Scott I did tell you what I thought about your blog post in person. I didn’t feel the need to flame you in a comment section. Is that passive aggressive?
@bslash You can’t handle the truth! HAHAHA sorry I couldn’t resist.
Heaths last blog post..Redneck
Scott Fillmer
Monday, 30th June 2008 at 1:49 pm
Mannnnn, I just can’t think on my feet fast enough…. you can’t handle the truth…haha it’s more like You can’t HANDLE the Truth!!!!
spc
Monday, 30th June 2008 at 1:55 pm
Hi. My name’s Sarah and I’m passive aggressive.
Here’s why:
Tact! (or lack thereof) I have the hardest time being tactfully honest about things that I am passionate about, so instead I just bottle it up…and it ends up coming out disgustingly passive aggressive. And then the longer I sit on it, the more passionate I get. It’s a dirty cycle, really.
I pray for the Lord to do one of 2 things when I realize I’m stuck in it: 1 – give me words! (you know, the whole “speaking the truth in love” thing) or 2 – take my zeal away if it is something stupid that needs to be released.
Heath
Monday, 30th June 2008 at 2:01 pm
Is this a PAA(passive agressive anonymous) meeting?
Heaths last blog post..Redneck
Tree Cooper
Monday, 30th June 2008 at 2:37 pm
First, Sarah – you are fun! I pray that God often answers the first of your prayers and rarely the second.
So, Brian (I just kept a secret),
Wish I could have heard you speak – I’m sure it was powerful and filled with your passion. I do have to say though, you should be careful when attacking my good friend… passive aggression… not that PA is really my friend, just a close relative of a friend, really. You know, sarcasm. The best friend a Christian could have if he or she wants to avoid the truth. If we want to smooth things over and make everyone happy and laugh, all the while avoiding the deepest matters of our hearts. Why would we want to express the feelings in our hearts? What use is the heart to God anyway?
(personal favorite list: 1. pepperoni pizza, 2. craisins, 3. attacking sarcasm with sarcasm.)
Anyway, where was my point? Oh, I think you are right on with your hate of passive aggression. Someday, my hope is to be honest enough to tell the truth a lot.