James and John

I’m reading a book right now that I would highly encourage you to read. Its called Wide Awake and it’s by Erwin Rafael McManus (I love how he uses his whole name on every book he writes like he is the little lion in the Lion King being held up for all the other lions to see. Or, he could be recalling his childhood, and maybe he got yelled at a lot and his mom used his whole name, and maybe he just liked the ring it had. It does roll off the tongue nicely…Erwin…Rafael…McManus).

Anyway, it’s about our dreams so far and how we should dream with our eyes wide open and dream big. I dream big. Probably further than what Erwin Rafael McManus means, because sometimes I dream about being the first person to run a marathon in my recliner that would have motorized legs. But seriously, I dream about being with my wife from morning to night to morning to night to morning, etc. in a foreign country where the people don’t know Jesus, and don’t know that they don’t know Jesus. And then, when they find out about Him, they love Him, and we spend the rest of our lives loving and discipling these people.

I was also listening to an album by Phil Wickham while I read this book by Erwin Rafael McManus. The album was called Singalong, which I also highly recommend. I dreamed about having an album like this that people loved and I was able to spend morning to night to morning to night to morning, etc. with my wife, traveling and leading people in deep intense worship that connected them to God.

Something about the second one seemed really arrogant to me. But, then I thought about James and John, who Erwin Rafael McManus had just talked about. Those two guys were sitting around one day and probably argued about who was going to ask Jesus the big question. They couldn’t decide, probably because the question they were about to ask was huge. So they continued to argue on and on, kind of under their breath like and looking up every now and then to see if Jesus or anyone else was looking. I imagine Jesus was shaking His head the whole time then He comes over and pulls the ol’ “Whatcha talkin bout fellas?” Acting like he doesn’t know, but all the while He does, but he wants them to say it so it can be a teaching moment for the other disciples. (Peter was probably thinking, “I know what He’s about to do, because He does this stuff to me all the time.”)

John was younger I think because He was always named second, and I bet that James kicked him a little bit and pushed him forward and made him ask Jesus the big question. I think this, because as the younger sibling, this happened to me. So John stands there fidgeting for a few moments moving his hands from clasped in the front to clasped in the back and he rocks back and forth from his heals to the balls of his feet, and his head was probably cocked to the left and looking down at the ground, and finally he comes out with it.

“Jesus, we think You should put one of us on Your right, and one of us on Your left in Your kingdom.”

As I thought about this request and then about how Jesus still used James and John in some incredible ways, I thought, maybe there is hope for me. I mean, these two guys just stood before Jesus and felt confident enough in themselves to say, we think we are the best and we should be on Your left and right. Arrogance to the max, and yet these ended up being two humble guys who loved people into the kingdom.

Don’t really know how to sum this up other than, I’m gonna keep dreaming about that recliner with the motorized legs and about spending morning to night to morning to night to morning etc with my wife in a place where people don’t know Jesus and don’t know that they don’t know Jesus, and even about leading people in intense worship. I think I’m just gonna keep dreaming because I think God is big and just doing day to day stuff is not enough for me to grasp His greatness.