growing up // and a “dang it”

This was my conversation with God this morning (I know that sounds crazy to some of you, and some don’t think that God speaks, but this is the conversation that happened nonetheless).

God: Hey

b/: I know, I’ve got to focus more, I want to grow deeper.

God: The reason you’re not growing is because you don’t want to.

b/: What? I can’t believe You would say that. But I am growing, I feel it. I’m reading a book a week at least and I’m being shaped in great ways.

God: Sure you’re being shaped, but that doesn’t mean we are growing closer together or that you know any more about me than you did. Sure you’re growing a little, but you’re not growing in leaps and bounds and deeper like I want you to.

b/: What? I still can’t believe you are telling me I don’t want it. I do want it. I get up early, I read and spend time with you.

God: You are paying lip service to “wanting it.” You really think that is in depth time. You rush through a little bit of scripture and are more worried about getting a blog post written. If you really wanted to grow, you would spend time with me. I don’t care when you do it. But you’re not spending time with me. If you really want this, then you’ll grow, because you will be intentional about us. But until you really want it, you’re gonna stay right where you are.

b/: Dang it. I know.

For real, that just happened.