insecurity // my hope

Removing a mask. I struggle with insecurity. There. It’s out there.

After processing this for quite some time, I think it comes from several places.

The first is that I have a very works based mentality when it comes to relationships because of my understanding growing up of how I related to God. I felt like if I did enough, then he would be pleased with me, but if I did not do enough, or enough good things, then God would be disappointed with me. This translated to my relationships with other people as well.

Another root cause is this truth that I put my hope in people rather than fully on God. Our small group is currently reading A.W. Tozer’s, The Attributes of God. Last night we discussed the attribute of immensity. One of the biggest takeaways for me from this chapter is that my happiness can’t be God plus something, rather my happiness must be God minus all things. Tozer says it in this most convicting way, “If there is anything necessary to your eternal happiness but God, you’re not yet the kind of Christian that you ought to be.” Thank you Mr. Tozer for pointing to one of the key causal areas of my insecurity.

Christ never asks me to complete a great list of works. No, we come to him in the absence of our righteousness, empty in order to be filled. And, he longs to be our one and only true desire, that our complete happiness, moreover, our complete joy be found only in him. When I accept that I cannot do enough and that his work alone is what gives me security and sets my station before him, and when I place my happiness solely in him and not on God plus ‘x’, my insecurity goes away.

My hope is in him. That’s where I’m at…